Ladies and Gentlemen, in every relationship, there is a “Reacher” and a “Settler”. Let me explain what these terms mean.
The Reacher: Some one who reaches beyond their looks and dates above their own looks
The Settler: Some one who settles for some one less good looking than themselves
One person reaches for someone out of their league, the other one settles for someone below theirs.
To make this even clearer:
“….the settler is never jealous of the reacher….The settler is the best the reacher could ever get..”
Nobody wants to be the reacher but I believe in most relationships, the balance never really exists. I realise that in every relationship that I’ve been in (not that I’ve been in a lot), I seem to always be the reacher. That’s what’s, 10-12 years of continuous dating yo. But I don’t think it’s the fault of my other half – it’s very likely due to my numerous insecurities.
Insecurities and the gap between 2 people in social status, attractiveness, wealth, intelligence level, etc., all contribute to the “Reacher and Settler” effect.
But to be honest, if you find someone out there in the big bad world, someone whom you can connect with, someone you feel comfortable spending quiet nights with, someone who’ll tolerate all your shit and little habits (don’t tell me you don’t have any bad habits), you should count yourself lucky already. At least, that’s how I see it – and then again, maybe that’s why I’m a reacher.
All of us are crazy in our own ways. I know I am super anal about having ONE face towel and ONE body towel, and no dragging those towels on the floor. And I don’t like people being harsh to my hamsters. I hate people who don’t clean up after their own mess and the list goes on.
On paper, nobody should be a reacher or a settler in any relationship. We should all fall under lucky. But then again, no relationship is perfect and every relationship is dynamic. Today you may be the reacher, 10 years later, who knows.
As a relationship gets under way, insecurities should be shared and love has a way of breaking that down, or so I believe – in a perfect relationship.
So what are you? A reacher or a settler?If you’re not sure, there is an iOS app quiz for this (I know right. There’s an app for everything!!). Check it out here.
P.s.: Boy, it feels good to be back writing lifestyle posts like these. :)