You know, today I decided to talk a little about pregnancy fears, and how I feel about being… pregnant and being a mother so very soon. You’ll think 9-10 months is a short gestation time but really, ask any mother to be and they’ll tell you it really isn’t.
The first trimester passes by the quickest. You really only find out you are pregnant around 7-10 weeks (missed period after the 4th week). By then, more than half your first trimester would have already passed you by.
You’ll be busy searching for and settling with a gynae that you are comfortable with. You’ll get used to the baby scans and variety of costs (and not to mention, the FBI program that TMC will confuse you with – if you end up at TMC).
I know that’s how my first trimester flew by.
My bras started getting tighter, I knew I needed maternity bras soon. I got them online and then before long, around Week 24, I started getting larger and could no longer fit into the clothes I normally wear.
Week 24 was also around the time people on the public transport started to give me a seat.
Between Week 13 to Week 26 would be my second trimester. I felt good all trimester. But I always had pregnancy fears. The fear of giving birth, the fear that the baby wouldn’t be healthy, or I wouldn’t be healthy, and the fear that I would soon have a LOT more responsibilities in life than what I have now, the fear that I might not be able to cope, the fear that I might not be able to love my child as much as a mother should, and so much more.
It is quite a thing. Pregnancy makes you scared. Scared of what’s happening to your body, what will happen to your body, scared of what could be and what might not be.
I have different fears on a day to day basis. I spent most of the second trimester worrying about the possibility of having my vagina torn all the way to my *ahem* asshole (read my birth story here, no it didn’t tear all the way). It is very real.
And now, I am afraid I might not be able to be a good mother and love my kid the way moms are supposed to love their children. What if…?
I’m trying to include my husband as much as possible in the pregnancy fears that I have but he seems to be detached from all of this and just as worried and afraid. I hope we’ll be back on track soon and everything will turn out awesome.