Being a mom is tough. The devoid of personal time a mom has and the pressure to juggle work and life is beyond what I could have imagined when I was single and childless.
Being a mom is exhausting and life just doesn’t stop. I thought having 1 kid was bad. That was until the 2nd one came along recently and I felt like having 1 kid was child’s play (pun intended)!
The older child is only 2 years old now and still needs tender loving and care. The bills still need to be paid – so I can’t just be a SAHM.
Everyone expects that you know what you’re doing all the time. The pressure I put on myself to care for my child is also tremendous.
It doesn’t matter if it’s your first or third, you’re still learning the art of being a mom everyday.
The challenge with having a second child (2 years apart from your first) is the nasty terrible twos and the unavoidable jealousy the older one will feel.
There are days we all just want some time out, a little me time for ourselves.
I was sharing with my colleague that the lack of personal time at home is quite insane… I just want to cut my nails and there is simply no good time to do until past midnight when both kids are asleep.
They both look like angels when they are asleep. That’s when I tiptoe off to brush my teeth, eat a snack, grab a drink and really stretch out. I don’t last long awake because I’m always really tired.
I’ve been up breastfeeding at 12am, 4am and 7am everyday like clockwork for the past month. Technically in a mom’s world, that’s not so bad if not for the fact that I have returned to my 9am – 6pm job for the past month. My hungry baby needed milk and my husband just sleeps through it all.
Some nights I am so sleepy I don’t even know what I am doing.
Some nights I accidentally push my nipple into Nathen’s face instead of his mouth when he roots.
Some nights I doze off while expressing milk.
Some nights I drop his basket of essentials (wipes, diapers, clothes) and I just leave it where I dropped it because I am too darn tired to pick it all up.
And when I wake up for work the next day, my husband asks me why didn’t I note down when I last fed Nathen. WHAT?
At times, I really feel super drained. Like when I have work to do, and my boobs are leaking, and Nathen is crying and refusing to breastfeed even though he’s hungry, and Daniel gets into a crazy tantrum, and my husband’s scolding him… – all that chaos and noise…
That’s when I really feel like walking away from this madness. Why does there need to be so much shouting and crying?
I felt like a jerk feeling that way. 🙁 I love my kids. I do.
I just reached a point where I had enough of giving all of myself.
We’re humans and we’re mothers.
But moms, I want to tell you – It’s okay to have days that you don’t feel good enough. Don’t feel bad if there are days when you want to have a moment to yourself. Don’t feel bad if you feel like you want to run away from it all.
You can do this. We can do this. Some women seem to have it all, or so we think. Some women don’t. I know I don’t.
Life challenges us daily. If you fail today, take a break and try again tomorrow. I tell myself everyday that it will get better. And better I hope it will be soon. 🙂